This entry tries to summarize the circular movement of emotions during mourning. The rotation has been continuous throughout the last few months. I did the best I could to put my thoughts about the process in words. Here goes....
The revolve of grief is nauseating. It is the drunken carny manning the carousel, and we are sickened customers waiting for the ride to end. The naive passengers! Round and round everything spins in this foreign land. There are no stars tattooed on the dark night, and there is no moon hanging low to remind us that there are worlds beyond this one. And the people aside wait their turn in line entertaining themselves by chatting of the weather. When our's ends then another's will begin and more circles continue.
There are underlying rotations for everything in life which we come to live by with acceptance. The earth moves around the sun causing seasons to revolve. And days cycle into nights leading life to transition to death. We awake only to arrive again later to sleep at the place we awoke from. Our stomachs reach their full so they can be filled again soon after. Life is circular and so is grief. Each point along the round represents different emotions and the whole thing spins like a top.
It is interesting though how a circle is that shape we most relate to throughout life on Earth. As if nature and experience are both prophesying of a grander revolve. A colossal rounding. Is this God's way of explaining that His greatest creation will partake on the most splendid circle? The mysterious orbit of the soul being drawn into eternity. Therefore everything circular foretells that which we long for. The shape itself is a silent prophet declaring heaven.
So as the emotions from heartache parade themselves through our being we take notice to their revolving journey. They can symbolize and unspoken word that heaven awaits for those who believe. An ill-mannered stampede upon our hearts birthing tranquility. The groundbreaking of inner frontier by circling pioneers. A clumsy stumble into a genuine recognition of the existence of heaven. "Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted". And in this dark place of revolving tyrants we cling to that beatitude knowing that God spoke to us today through shapes...
