(For those who may not know our older brother Patrick just passed away on November 20th)
It is 1am and I can not get my mind to slow down in order for me to fall asleep. I'm going to journal these ideas with the hope of becoming tired. Here are my racing thoughts of tonight....
Our brother has been gone for almost nine days now. At this point, the emotions come wave like. It seems like a long day is over, and now an even longer day lies ahead. How can one prepare themselves for an event like this? God feels distant. His presence is closer than my own, but it does not feel so. I can not imagine what Job felt like. At least I have the ability to lean on my amazing wife for strength, or pick up the phone and call my family.
And the advancement of life all around, after the death of a beloved, is peculiar realization. As if the forward motion is uncouth. Does the routine prevail? I understand this is not true, but it does cross the mind. In fact the progression to a full self in Christ is the only appropriate way to honor a life. Although, I can see how easy it could be, for those who have lost a loved one, to pause their life stories only never to hit the play button again.
Have you ever truly perceived life on earth without the existence of a family member? Of course I had thought about it, but never "truly perceived". Right now the simple things are magnified to an infinite degree. An old voice mail resonates in a way that only two weeks ago it would have been hard for any of us to understand.
We are so human. It is not as if we wish PK would come back to life on earth (for that would be an unimaginable down grade). The peace that he is finally at Home with God is felt by all. We just miss him...
